August 24, 2011

Another Baby

I have been thinking a lot lately about having another baby. I love having a baby. I love that E is growing bigger and that we are getting to experience her as an older baby now that she’s crawling and eating and growing developmentally, but I am also already missing the infant stuff about her! I want her to have a sibling soon.

My husband and I have talked a lot about our hopes to have a baby naturally this time. We are so grateful for modern medicine that has allowed us to get pregnant with E, but I would love to be able to experience getting pregnant like most women do, just getting pregnant naturally, without all the ultrasounds, medications, exams, etc. 

Although I have a baby of my own, I still feel a little jealous when I hear of other people I know getting pregnant and having babies. I think it’s because I feel like we are back to square one again trying to get pregnant. Even though we have been immensely blessed to have one child, I constantly think about how long it took us to get her here! I don’t want to have to wait another 2-3 years to get pregnant. All the mothers I know seem like they have a baby, then the month they want to conceive again, boom, they get pregnant. 

I just found out recently that a good friend of mine was able to conceive within WEEKS of getting off birth control. Weeks! I would KILL for that! People who are blessed to be fertile have NO IDEA the heartache that accompanies infertility. They cannot possibly imagine what it’s like to want to be pregnant NOW and be denied that blessing for months, even years. 

Another friend of mine at work is pregnant and stated clearly that it was an accident. She was paraphrasing something her husband said, “Why can’t we at least have to try to get pregnant like everyone else! I swear I blink and you’re pregnant!”. I do understand that for some people having an unplanned pregnancy is hard for multiple reasons, whether it be financial, physical, emotional, timing is not right, etc. But still, they are blessed to be pregnant! I would much rather be able to get pregnant without hardly trying than go through what I have been through. At least people who are super-fertile have the option of birth-control! 

I’ve been trying to suppress my feelings of jealousy at others who are pregnant/just having babies, but it is still there deep down (okay, maybe not that deep down!). I want to be like them. I want to be able to surprise E soon and tell her she’s going to be a big sister!

The questions that run through my mind all the time are:
-When will we get pregnant again?
-How long will we have to try to get pregnant?
-Will we be able to get pregnant naturally or will we need to do IVF again?

I need to focus my thoughts on something else. I know that in time we will have more children, I just wish I could look into my crystal ball and see when that time will be!

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