After a difficult morning where all I wanted to do was lock myself in the bathroom and be by myself for a few hours, I stumbled across this Mormon Channel video. It CHANGED. MY. DAY.
I've been feeling like a failure in some areas of my life, feeling down and stressed about how my house is always so messy and cluttered, how sometimes I become impatient with my kids when I shouldn't, how I don't get to take a shower some days until 10:00 pm, how I wish I spent more time teaching my preschooler important things like letters and numbers when instead she watches cartoons, how I wish I had more time to develop my own talents and interests, then feeling guilty about wanting to spend more time on me instead of my family, the list goes on and on and on.
By about minute 6 in the video, I guarantee you will be sobbing like I was if you are anything like I am. It helped me realize that while some days I don't feel like I accomplished anything, most days I do, at least in the eyes of those around me, especially my children. I always wake up with good intentions to clean an area of the house, to get an important errand done, to do an act of service for someone in need, to call a friend I haven't spoken with in months, but those plans seem to always get pushed further and further down my "to-do" list.
I end up cleaning up cookie crumb messes all over the floor and googling "how to clean permanent marker from wood table top" while trying to remain calm. My mountain of unfolded laundry (with more waiting for me in the dryer) has been sitting for days in the same spot. My bed is un-made and clothes are thrown all over my floor with miscellaneous toys, ripped up pieces of Kleenex, hair clips, and a number of other random things brought in my girls, mixed in.
So after watching this video, I thought about what things I've "accomplished" so far in my seemingly difficult day. I've comforted my 2 girls in at least half a dozen crying instances so far, bent over and cleaned up at least 2 bins of toys (which are now scattered all over again), made breakfast for my children, sang a song with them, and helped my daughter put on a princess dress so she could play in it.
I helped my daughter ride the new (to us) bike she received yesterday for her birthday. Her very first bike with training wheels. She eagerly put on her helmet and semi-patiently waited for me to get dressed (something I told her was required before I could step outside as my neighbors don't want to see me in my bath robe). Then with baby in-tow on my hip, I helped her push the pedals forward and steer the bike. She got frustrated. I got frustrated. My baby got frustrated. But we did it. By the end my daughter was riding pretty well on her own. She felt proud of herself.
That was a moment worth "checking off" my list. It wasn't on my to-do list for today, but has so far become one of the highlights. Teaching my daughter how to ride a bike. Wow. What else could possibly be more important than that? Putting away clean dishes? Folding towels? Scrubbing permanent marker off my table top? Those things can wait. Being with my girls can't.
As I was writing this, I poked my head in to see what my girls were up to. I snapped this picture. They were quietly coloring and getting along (for approximately 4.5 minutes). There was peace and harmony in our house. It didn't last long, but it was there for a moment.
As women, moms, grandpas, parents, aunts, grandmas, sisters, fathers, uncles, brothers, sons, we need to stop putting so many unnecessary things at the top of our priority list. We need to stop thinking that our homes have to look spotless in order to feel like we have worth. We need to stop thinking that we need to have such-and-such to feel included. Let's STOP making so many to-do lists and START making memories. Let's stop being planners and start being doers.
I’ve thought about what I would say in a post like this for (literally) years. These thoughts weigh heavily in my mind and I am finally putting words to paper.
Over the years, my fashion-sense and style has been sorely lacking. Until my mid-20’s I was wearing clothes I wore in middle-school. The style in middle school in the mid 90’s was baggy, boxy, and over sized. Did I mention polo shirts, overalls, sweater vests, and turtlenecks? Yep, all staples in my closet back then. I think I had a polo shirt in every color. I am relatively short (5’4’’) and didn’t reach 5 feet until 8th grade. I have always been petite but I frequently wore clothing much too big for me. I thought it was normal to wear a belt cinched so tight it puckered in order to hold up my pants. I often wore size large in shirts where a small or medium would have been more appropriate. I didn't wear makeup until after I graduated high school, and even then I thought wearing makeup meant putting lip gloss on. Seriously, I think I grew up under a rock. I didn't know (and still don't know very much) about makeup. Why do I mention all this? Because I have not always (until quite recently) cared one iota (or had a clue) about fashion, style, and clothing. (See evidence below)
Every human being has had or currently has insecurities about their body. I have my own insecurities and issues that I think about and deal with often. Experiencing infertility the past 8 years has also taken its toll on how I view my body, but that's a whole other story.
BUT, despite these insecurities, I KNOW that I am of worth.
If there is ONE thing you get from this, I want it to be that all human beings have worth. We have potential, promise, and beauty. I draw great strength from people who have been through horrible tragic events that have altered their image, yet they still recognize their self-worth. A well-known scripture in our church states, “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.”
I decided a few years ago to start updating my wardrobe and getting rid of all those middle school and high school clothes I had been hanging on to. Boy, was purging my closet a good decision! I slowly started buying pieces to update my wardrobe. I started looking into fashion a little bit, following modest fashion blogs that gave me inspiration. It was hard to pin-point (and still is) my complete fashion-sense, but I have always been very black and white when it comes to fashion. I either love it or hate it. I tend to gravitate towards more vintage and classic pieces. My very favorite? Polka dots! For some reason, polka dot patterns have always jumped out at me. For years, many of the things my mom would buy me or that I would purchase had polka dots on them. I’ve always been drawn to polka dots, and so naturally, much of my closet and my kids’ closets involve some sort of polka dot attire. It’s even more convenient now that the polka dot is having “its moment” in the fashion world. Polka dots are everywhere, and very trendy right now. I’m just glad that I didn’t jump on the bandwagon with everyone else, because I’ve sported polka dots for years!
Once I started replacing my wardrobe with updated pieces and trying different looks, I started getting comments on how cute my outfits were. In the past couple of years, those comments have increased and I am asked weekly where I get certain articles of clothing, or hear comments about how “cute” or “classy” my outfits look. But I am far from the fashion models and fashion bloggers out there who have thousands upon thousands of followers. I would never ever in a million years consider myself a fashion blogger. I certainly don’t look the part. (See below, ha!)
Rainbow striped polo, top button buttoned, high-waisted sweatpants, boy sneakers, could there be anything more WRONG with this picture? Seriously though, it makes me smile how goofy I looked.
I’ve struggled with the decision of sharing my fashion style with others, because of the attention it draws. I fear that others will see me as overconfident, haughty, arrogant, self-absorbed, boastful, or prideful. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I was very shy as a child and even into my young adulthood, going to great lengths to avoid socializing with others. I’ve become much better over the years, especially since my profession in nursing requires I communicate with patients and their families, literal strangers, every day. On the outside, I seem like a pretty outgoing person, but on the inside, I am in introvert through and through.
Being open and sharing my thoughts and style also opens me up to criticism, negativity, and mean comments from those who wish to belittle and degrade me. This is something that scares me.
Why share my background with you? Because my intentions aren't to gain fame or be liked for my clothes or for the way I look. I want to be known for who I am on the inside. I want people to KNOW me, to know what I stand for, to know how dearly I love being a mother. I don't want to be known for the clothes I wear or the way I look. I don't. That's why I hesitate to share some of my outfits on the great blogosphere.
My intentions are to help others out there who feel just like me. I struggle to find modest clothing that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. I can't afford to shop J.Crew, Nordstrom, Anthropologie, Zarra, and the like. I couldn't find inspiration online that showed how to shop frugally and yet find classic pieces that will last for years. I don't have a walk-in closet. My closet space is half of a closet that I share with my husband (okay, maybe three-quarters).
My philosophy is this- find modest classic pieces of clothing that will last for years, and are priced so that most every-day women can afford them.
Moving on. I have decided to start sharing some of my fashion advice and style with others who have inquired about it. My thoughts are these:
You don’t need to "dress up" every day. The only day of the week I consistently “dress up” is on Sundays, the day we go to church. I look forward to this day for many reasons, but one (slightly selfish) reason is that I get to wear a dress/skirt, or something a little more fancy than what I wear on a daily basis. I get to (sometimes) actually do my hair and put on some make up. I get to wear heels!
Most days (okay, Monday through Saturday), I wear comfy “mom” clothing. This usually involves stretchy yoga pants or shorts, a loose t-shirt, or sometimes something I like to call “lounge” clothing but is really pajamas. My daily “routine” of getting ready usually isn't completed until mid-day since I get ready in 30 second increments because my kids are screaming or yelling, or "needing" me every time I step into the bathroom to continue my “routine”. I brush my hair, and put on a minimal amount of makeup (usually concealer, mascara, and a touch of blush) in order to look somewhat presentable to the human race. The way I look on some most mornings is enough to scare a ravenous grizzly bear away.
But I will say this; the MOST beautiful I have EVER felt in my life was a moment when I looked my worse. I was sleep-deprived from a newborn baby, had horrible skin with multiple break outs, greasy 3rd day hair, and I could literally smell myself from lack of showering. I was wearing a white fluffy bathroom robe, one I’ve owned for 9 years. I felt sub-human in that moment. All I wanted to do was hide from society (I had plans to barricade myself in my home until I could pull my act together). No one could see me like this! In that moment, I will never forget my little 2 ½ year old daughter. She came up to me, wrapped her little arms around my neck, squeezed tightly, and said, “I love you Mommy.” She had said those words before, but for some reason in that moment, I had an epiphany. My daughter LOVED me. She loved ME! She didn’t just love me when I was dressed up, hair and makeup done, skinny jeans on. I realized right then and there, that my children could care less what I LOOKED like. They had seen me looking my best, but they had also repeatedly (and on a much more regular basis) seen me at my worst. They didn’t notice a difference, not one bit. The way I looked to my girls wasn't categorized in their minds as my "best" or "worst" or "Mom only had 5 minutes to ready today" look, it was simply me. Just me, their mom. I was and always will be “Mom.”
The epiphany I had that day still doesn't deter me from ever showering or getting ready for the day, but it’s a daily reminder when I look in the mirror, that even though I may see or feel flaws in my image, I have people in my life that unconditionally love me, no matter what I look like. And really, I know that I love myself and have self-worth. Yes, I don’t have the perfect body, or the most voluminous hair, or the finest chiseled jaw line, but to me, my body is perfect. I don’t need anyone’s approval (other than my own) to love myself.
I want others to see me as a regular person. A run-of-the-mill woman who is a (mostly) stay-at-home mother with two small children. I don’t live in a mansion, I don’t earn massive amounts of money, my home is not spotless. I have rooms in my home that used to come close to making it on a Hoarders episode. My clothes frequently get piled up at the bottom of my bed. My clothes have spit-up stains, poop stains, and throw-up stains on them. I spend the majority of my day cleaning up messes, folding laundry, reading books, letting my kids watch TV, or laying on the floor from pure exhaustion as my little ones climb over and bounce on me. I do find joy and satisfaction in wearing clothes that improve my self-esteem. I want to make this very clear, I do NOT base my self-worth on clothes, make up, hair products, or anything that would outwardly improve my appearance. I don’t base my self-worth or self-esteem on the number of ‘likes’ or comments I get on what I’m wearing or how I look.
The part about fashion that I do like, is the ability that fashion has to make you feel good. Not the kind of “I only feel good when I wear $1000 shoes and tote Versace handbags,” but the kind of “I have more confidence today” feel-good. The kind of good feeling that makes you believe you can get through another day. The kind of “good” that makes you hold your head up and look people in the eye rather than looking down at the ground trying to avoid interaction with anyone.
When I “dress up” or wear an outfit that makes me feel more confident, I find that my attitude improves, my temperament is more gentle, I don’t get as frustrated with my kids as much, I smile more, I FEEL better. All those things combined has shown me that fashion CAN be a good thing. I always disliked the fashion world. The models, the false sense of worth, the feeling of exclusion if you didn’t wear what was in all the magazines, the reliance on temporal and materialistic “stuff” to make you feel "beautiful." I never bought into that. So I removed myself further from it. I went the opposite direction, trying NOT to be fashionable almost. But that was a mistake. We can be fashionable. We can try new trends for the fun of it. You don't have to like whatever is currently "in style." There have been plenty of trends that I will never understand, yet most people spend absurd amounts of money on them just to feel better about themselves and look like everybody else.
I'll end my thoughts (for now) with this quote that I love: "I plead with you young women to
please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style,
with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different.
Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And
almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But
as one adviser to teenage girls said: “You can’t live your life worrying that
the world is staring at you. When you let people’s opinions make you
self-conscious you give away your power. … The key to feeling [confident] is to
always listen to your inner self—[the real you.]” And in the kingdom of God,
the real you is “more precious than rubies.” Every young woman is a child of
destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good." – Jeffrey R. Holland
Here are some highly recommended video clips that help me remember WHO I AM:
No secret here: I love polka dots! They are 'in' right now and very popular, so it's not hard to find products with polka dots, from womens to childrens. Here are some of my favs I've found recently: Merona Polka Dot Blazer
I just found out that H&M has a HOME section online! They have sooooooo many adorable things right now for pretty cheap! I LOVE decorating with Pillow Covers so I snagged several on sale through H&M and got free shipping too! They also had great options on kitchen accessories, baby/kid rooms, and bedding sets, etc. Loved their rugs as well. Check them out!
Some tips for preparing your child for a new sibling:
1. Talk to your child about the baby a lot during pregnancy, what the baby will do, how the child can help, everything!
2. If you know the gender and have chosen a name, start calling the baby by their name in front of the child. This helped us immensely because once Baby Sister was born, my daughter already knew her sister as "Abby". Instead of the baby just being this 'thing' she could put a name with her face.
3. Buy special gifts for your older child to give to them around the birth of the new baby. We bought a Big Sister Bear (see below) and some Big Sister books (also below) and wrapped them up and put them in our hospital bag. Then when our daughter came to meet her new baby sister, she got to open up presents for her, because after all, it was a very special day for her too! It's the day she became a Big Sister! Ever since she has LOVED her Big Sister Bear.
4. Let the child help out as much as possible! We let our daughter hold the baby (with supervision), get us wipes and diapers for diaper changes, throw away the dirty diaper, fetch a burp cloth, help soothe the crying baby, play with the baby, show the baby toys, etc.
5. Spend quality time with your older child. We would try to spend one-on-one time with our older child so she knew we still valued time alone with her. I tried really hard at bed time to help put her to sleep and if I was feeding the baby, I would still go in and say good night afterwards.
6. Always try to say "Yes" to your child's requests. If they ask you to come play with them, instead of saying "No, not right now" say, "Yes, I'd love to just as soon as the baby's fed (or diaper is changed, or baby stops crying, etc). This way, they always hear "Yes" instead of "No" and they don't have negative feelings towards the baby.
7. Another suggestion (not mentioned in the video) is to let your child have special toys or activities that they only do while you are breastfeeding/bottle feeding your baby. This way it makes feeding time fun for the older child since you are tied up with the baby.
8. Another suggestion (not mentioned in the video) is to show your older child pictures of when they were born and of them as a baby. Our daughter loves seeing pictures of herself when she was a baby and that helped her to understand what was going to happen. She liked seeing pictures of my pregnant belly when she was inside of me.
We let our daughter help set up the baby's crib. We praised our daughter for "sharing" her old baby crib with her baby sister and emphasized that she didn't need her baby crib any more because she was a Big Girl.
We encouraged our daughter to touch and feel my growing belly, and to talk to her baby sister inside.
They are best of friends!
Our daughter loves holding her baby sister. She asks us all the time if she can hold her. We never say "No" to this request! We want her to love her baby sister! Again, if the timing is not right we will say, "Yes you may hold her as soon as she is done eating (or whatever)."
Our daughter loves sharing her baby toys with her baby sister.
Our daughter loves having a pretend baby doll to do the same things we do with our newborn. She pretends to feed her baby doll, change her diaper, push her in her stroller, etc. It helps make her feel included and needed.
To make a Big Sister or Big Brother shirt, simply buy a plain t-shirt at a craft store or a second-hand store (what I did for $1-$2). I bought an alphabet stencil, craft paint, and simply sponged on the letters on the t-shirt. Then I ironed on some cute flower appliques from a craft store.
Holding her Baby Sister for the very first time. Can't you see the love she already has for her new sibling?
Admiring my growing belly during pregnancy.
Playing with her pretend baby dolls while I care for the baby.
Here's my latest video on "What's in my Hospital & Diaper Bag for Labor & Delivery" Okay, I did an updated version of my older video What to Bring to the Hospital for Mom & Baby. I have changed a few things having done this once before. But I still think most women bring way too much when they come to the hospital. I've seen women come in with a 5-piece set of luggage like they're staying for 2 months. As a labor and delivery nurse for 8 years, I have seen the essential things that women should bring in to the hospital, and some things that could probably be left at home. Either way, it's all a matter of opinion! Packing List for Mom and Baby (Essentials): -lip balm or chapstick - camera/video recorder - toiletries and makeup (don't go overboard!) - nursing bra/underwear - comfy pants/pajamas, loose shirts -slippers and/or socks -car seat (YOU MUST HAVE THIS!) - 1 outfit for baby to go home in - 1 blanket for baby Optional items: -extra pillows, music, movies, cards, books, games, writing material, laptop, watch or clock, robe, slippers, lotion, boppy pillow, hand mittons/baby socks to cover newborn's hands, robe, phone/ipod chargers Hospital should provide the following (while at the hospital): FOR BABY: blankets, onesies/shirts (many with fold-over sleeves so baby doesn't scratch him/herself), burp clothes, diapers, wipes, hat, bulb syringe (aka nose sucker), pacifier (if requested). FOR MOM: pads (both large and small), mesh underwear, toiletry items like shampoo, lotion, soap, toothbrush/toothpaste (if you ask), non-skid socks/slippers, patient gown, pillows, blankets, tucks medicated cooling pads for after delivery, breast pump, breast pads, formula/bottles (usually have to request this), towels, spray/squirt bottle. Here are some other helpful links with Hospital Packing Lists:Here, Here, and Here. Let me know if you have found any other 'essential' items or 'nice to have' items for labor and delivery!
I recently had some maternity photos taken. We really wanted to have maternity photos with our first daughter, but she came 3 weeks early unexpectedly so we missed our maternity photo shoot appointment. This time I really wanted pictures since we don't know when or if we'll ever be pregnant again (though hoping we will be again!).
Okay, maybe it's not a secret, but I've never seen anyone else use this idea before. My favorite design secret is to decorate with scrapbook paper, but only the square kinds (size 6x6 or 12x12 inch) and put them in frames. I place the frame on my mantel and switch out the scrapbook paper all year round. I have Halloween paper, Christmas paper, Fall paper, Spring paper, etc. And then I also have some of my favorite designs that I display at other times. In our baby's nursery, I have smaller 6 x 6 frames with prints in them. I love how easily I can switch out the paper! My 12 x 12 white frame I got from Target in-store. Here's a link to a similar one online: here And I got the 6 x 6 white frames on Amazon: here
My tips for shopping at second-hand stores: 1. Don't go expecting to find a lot of things, many times we don't find anything, but have an open mind! 2. We don't go often to thrift stores, but when we do, sometimes we score big! 3. I buy a lot of my kids' clothes at thrift stores. Most clothes have been previously worn a minimal amount of times, if at all. I don't buy clothes that are stained or torn, only ones that look basically brand new. I always wash my thrift store clothing finds before my kids wear them. 4. Ask yourself, do I really need this? Sure, it's all pretty cheap stuff, but somebody else gave it away! That means unless you really need it or have a use for it immediately, don't buy it and save some $$$! 5. Look at the books! Many board books are in great condition, as well as holiday books. We've bought many children's books at thrift stores! 6. Look at items with a different view, meaning, could you re-purpose it somehow? Many things I buy I end up spray painting to give it new life and a different look.
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