After a difficult morning where all I wanted to do was lock myself in the bathroom and be by myself for a few hours, I stumbled across this Mormon Channel video. It CHANGED. MY. DAY.
I've been feeling like a failure in some areas of my life, feeling down and stressed about how my house is always so messy and cluttered, how sometimes I become impatient with my kids when I shouldn't, how I don't get to take a shower some days until 10:00 pm, how I wish I spent more time teaching my preschooler important things like letters and numbers when instead she watches cartoons, how I wish I had more time to develop my own talents and interests, then feeling guilty about wanting to spend more time on me instead of my family, the list goes on and on and on.
By about minute 6 in the video, I guarantee you will be sobbing like I was if you are anything like I am. It helped me realize that while some days I don't feel like I accomplished anything, most days I do, at least in the eyes of those around me, especially my children. I always wake up with good intentions to clean an area of the house, to get an important errand done, to do an act of service for someone in need, to call a friend I haven't spoken with in months, but those plans seem to always get pushed further and further down my "to-do" list.
I end up cleaning up cookie crumb messes all over the floor and googling "how to clean permanent marker from wood table top" while trying to remain calm. My mountain of unfolded laundry (with more waiting for me in the dryer) has been sitting for days in the same spot. My bed is un-made and clothes are thrown all over my floor with miscellaneous toys, ripped up pieces of Kleenex, hair clips, and a number of other random things brought in my girls, mixed in.
So after watching this video, I thought about what things I've "accomplished" so far in my seemingly difficult day. I've comforted my 2 girls in at least half a dozen crying instances so far, bent over and cleaned up at least 2 bins of toys (which are now scattered all over again), made breakfast for my children, sang a song with them, and helped my daughter put on a princess dress so she could play in it.
I helped my daughter ride the new (to us) bike she received yesterday for her birthday. Her very first bike with training wheels. She eagerly put on her helmet and semi-patiently waited for me to get dressed (something I told her was required before I could step outside as my neighbors don't want to see me in my bath robe). Then with baby in-tow on my hip, I helped her push the pedals forward and steer the bike. She got frustrated. I got frustrated. My baby got frustrated. But we did it. By the end my daughter was riding pretty well on her own. She felt proud of herself.
That was a moment worth "checking off" my list. It wasn't on my to-do list for today, but has so far become one of the highlights. Teaching my daughter how to ride a bike. Wow. What else could possibly be more important than that? Putting away clean dishes? Folding towels? Scrubbing permanent marker off my table top? Those things can wait. Being with my girls can't.
As I was writing this, I poked my head in to see what my girls were up to. I snapped this picture. They were quietly coloring and getting along (for approximately 4.5 minutes). There was peace and harmony in our house. It didn't last long, but it was there for a moment.
As women, moms, grandpas, parents, aunts, grandmas, sisters, fathers, uncles, brothers, sons, we need to stop putting so many unnecessary things at the top of our priority list. We need to stop thinking that our homes have to look spotless in order to feel like we have worth. We need to stop thinking that we need to have such-and-such to feel included. Let's STOP making so many to-do lists and START making memories. Let's stop being planners and start being doers.
I’ve thought about what I would say in a post like this for (literally) years. These thoughts weigh heavily in my mind and I am finally putting words to paper.
Over the years, my fashion-sense and style has been sorely lacking. Until my mid-20’s I was wearing clothes I wore in middle-school. The style in middle school in the mid 90’s was baggy, boxy, and over sized. Did I mention polo shirts, overalls, sweater vests, and turtlenecks? Yep, all staples in my closet back then. I think I had a polo shirt in every color. I am relatively short (5’4’’) and didn’t reach 5 feet until 8th grade. I have always been petite but I frequently wore clothing much too big for me. I thought it was normal to wear a belt cinched so tight it puckered in order to hold up my pants. I often wore size large in shirts where a small or medium would have been more appropriate. I didn't wear makeup until after I graduated high school, and even then I thought wearing makeup meant putting lip gloss on. Seriously, I think I grew up under a rock. I didn't know (and still don't know very much) about makeup. Why do I mention all this? Because I have not always (until quite recently) cared one iota (or had a clue) about fashion, style, and clothing. (See evidence below)
Every human being has had or currently has insecurities about their body. I have my own insecurities and issues that I think about and deal with often. Experiencing infertility the past 8 years has also taken its toll on how I view my body, but that's a whole other story.
BUT, despite these insecurities, I KNOW that I am of worth.
If there is ONE thing you get from this, I want it to be that all human beings have worth. We have potential, promise, and beauty. I draw great strength from people who have been through horrible tragic events that have altered their image, yet they still recognize their self-worth. A well-known scripture in our church states, “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.”
I decided a few years ago to start updating my wardrobe and getting rid of all those middle school and high school clothes I had been hanging on to. Boy, was purging my closet a good decision! I slowly started buying pieces to update my wardrobe. I started looking into fashion a little bit, following modest fashion blogs that gave me inspiration. It was hard to pin-point (and still is) my complete fashion-sense, but I have always been very black and white when it comes to fashion. I either love it or hate it. I tend to gravitate towards more vintage and classic pieces. My very favorite? Polka dots! For some reason, polka dot patterns have always jumped out at me. For years, many of the things my mom would buy me or that I would purchase had polka dots on them. I’ve always been drawn to polka dots, and so naturally, much of my closet and my kids’ closets involve some sort of polka dot attire. It’s even more convenient now that the polka dot is having “its moment” in the fashion world. Polka dots are everywhere, and very trendy right now. I’m just glad that I didn’t jump on the bandwagon with everyone else, because I’ve sported polka dots for years!
Once I started replacing my wardrobe with updated pieces and trying different looks, I started getting comments on how cute my outfits were. In the past couple of years, those comments have increased and I am asked weekly where I get certain articles of clothing, or hear comments about how “cute” or “classy” my outfits look. But I am far from the fashion models and fashion bloggers out there who have thousands upon thousands of followers. I would never ever in a million years consider myself a fashion blogger. I certainly don’t look the part. (See below, ha!)
Rainbow striped polo, top button buttoned, high-waisted sweatpants, boy sneakers, could there be anything more WRONG with this picture? Seriously though, it makes me smile how goofy I looked.
I’ve struggled with the decision of sharing my fashion style with others, because of the attention it draws. I fear that others will see me as overconfident, haughty, arrogant, self-absorbed, boastful, or prideful. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I was very shy as a child and even into my young adulthood, going to great lengths to avoid socializing with others. I’ve become much better over the years, especially since my profession in nursing requires I communicate with patients and their families, literal strangers, every day. On the outside, I seem like a pretty outgoing person, but on the inside, I am in introvert through and through.
Being open and sharing my thoughts and style also opens me up to criticism, negativity, and mean comments from those who wish to belittle and degrade me. This is something that scares me.
Why share my background with you? Because my intentions aren't to gain fame or be liked for my clothes or for the way I look. I want to be known for who I am on the inside. I want people to KNOW me, to know what I stand for, to know how dearly I love being a mother. I don't want to be known for the clothes I wear or the way I look. I don't. That's why I hesitate to share some of my outfits on the great blogosphere.
My intentions are to help others out there who feel just like me. I struggle to find modest clothing that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. I can't afford to shop J.Crew, Nordstrom, Anthropologie, Zarra, and the like. I couldn't find inspiration online that showed how to shop frugally and yet find classic pieces that will last for years. I don't have a walk-in closet. My closet space is half of a closet that I share with my husband (okay, maybe three-quarters).
My philosophy is this- find modest classic pieces of clothing that will last for years, and are priced so that most every-day women can afford them.
Moving on. I have decided to start sharing some of my fashion advice and style with others who have inquired about it. My thoughts are these:
You don’t need to "dress up" every day. The only day of the week I consistently “dress up” is on Sundays, the day we go to church. I look forward to this day for many reasons, but one (slightly selfish) reason is that I get to wear a dress/skirt, or something a little more fancy than what I wear on a daily basis. I get to (sometimes) actually do my hair and put on some make up. I get to wear heels!
Most days (okay, Monday through Saturday), I wear comfy “mom” clothing. This usually involves stretchy yoga pants or shorts, a loose t-shirt, or sometimes something I like to call “lounge” clothing but is really pajamas. My daily “routine” of getting ready usually isn't completed until mid-day since I get ready in 30 second increments because my kids are screaming or yelling, or "needing" me every time I step into the bathroom to continue my “routine”. I brush my hair, and put on a minimal amount of makeup (usually concealer, mascara, and a touch of blush) in order to look somewhat presentable to the human race. The way I look on some most mornings is enough to scare a ravenous grizzly bear away.
But I will say this; the MOST beautiful I have EVER felt in my life was a moment when I looked my worse. I was sleep-deprived from a newborn baby, had horrible skin with multiple break outs, greasy 3rd day hair, and I could literally smell myself from lack of showering. I was wearing a white fluffy bathroom robe, one I’ve owned for 9 years. I felt sub-human in that moment. All I wanted to do was hide from society (I had plans to barricade myself in my home until I could pull my act together). No one could see me like this! In that moment, I will never forget my little 2 ½ year old daughter. She came up to me, wrapped her little arms around my neck, squeezed tightly, and said, “I love you Mommy.” She had said those words before, but for some reason in that moment, I had an epiphany. My daughter LOVED me. She loved ME! She didn’t just love me when I was dressed up, hair and makeup done, skinny jeans on. I realized right then and there, that my children could care less what I LOOKED like. They had seen me looking my best, but they had also repeatedly (and on a much more regular basis) seen me at my worst. They didn’t notice a difference, not one bit. The way I looked to my girls wasn't categorized in their minds as my "best" or "worst" or "Mom only had 5 minutes to ready today" look, it was simply me. Just me, their mom. I was and always will be “Mom.”
The epiphany I had that day still doesn't deter me from ever showering or getting ready for the day, but it’s a daily reminder when I look in the mirror, that even though I may see or feel flaws in my image, I have people in my life that unconditionally love me, no matter what I look like. And really, I know that I love myself and have self-worth. Yes, I don’t have the perfect body, or the most voluminous hair, or the finest chiseled jaw line, but to me, my body is perfect. I don’t need anyone’s approval (other than my own) to love myself.
I want others to see me as a regular person. A run-of-the-mill woman who is a (mostly) stay-at-home mother with two small children. I don’t live in a mansion, I don’t earn massive amounts of money, my home is not spotless. I have rooms in my home that used to come close to making it on a Hoarders episode. My clothes frequently get piled up at the bottom of my bed. My clothes have spit-up stains, poop stains, and throw-up stains on them. I spend the majority of my day cleaning up messes, folding laundry, reading books, letting my kids watch TV, or laying on the floor from pure exhaustion as my little ones climb over and bounce on me. I do find joy and satisfaction in wearing clothes that improve my self-esteem. I want to make this very clear, I do NOT base my self-worth on clothes, make up, hair products, or anything that would outwardly improve my appearance. I don’t base my self-worth or self-esteem on the number of ‘likes’ or comments I get on what I’m wearing or how I look.
The part about fashion that I do like, is the ability that fashion has to make you feel good. Not the kind of “I only feel good when I wear $1000 shoes and tote Versace handbags,” but the kind of “I have more confidence today” feel-good. The kind of good feeling that makes you believe you can get through another day. The kind of “good” that makes you hold your head up and look people in the eye rather than looking down at the ground trying to avoid interaction with anyone.
When I “dress up” or wear an outfit that makes me feel more confident, I find that my attitude improves, my temperament is more gentle, I don’t get as frustrated with my kids as much, I smile more, I FEEL better. All those things combined has shown me that fashion CAN be a good thing. I always disliked the fashion world. The models, the false sense of worth, the feeling of exclusion if you didn’t wear what was in all the magazines, the reliance on temporal and materialistic “stuff” to make you feel "beautiful." I never bought into that. So I removed myself further from it. I went the opposite direction, trying NOT to be fashionable almost. But that was a mistake. We can be fashionable. We can try new trends for the fun of it. You don't have to like whatever is currently "in style." There have been plenty of trends that I will never understand, yet most people spend absurd amounts of money on them just to feel better about themselves and look like everybody else.
I'll end my thoughts (for now) with this quote that I love: "I plead with you young women to
please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style,
with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different.
Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And
almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But
as one adviser to teenage girls said: “You can’t live your life worrying that
the world is staring at you. When you let people’s opinions make you
self-conscious you give away your power. … The key to feeling [confident] is to
always listen to your inner self—[the real you.]” And in the kingdom of God,
the real you is “more precious than rubies.” Every young woman is a child of
destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good." – Jeffrey R. Holland
Here are some highly recommended video clips that help me remember WHO I AM:
Sweet Potato Casserole 2 cups mashed sweet potatoes or yams 3 tablespoons butter, melted 3/4 cup sugar 5-ounce can evaporated milk 2 eggs 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 1 teaspoon vanilla Combine all ingredients and pour into greased casserole dish. Sprinkle with topping. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes or until set. Let it sit about 10 minutes before serving. For a 9-by-13-inch pan, double the recipe and increase the baking time to 40 minutes or until set. Topping: 1 cup corn flakes, coarsely crushed 1/2 cup pecans, chopped 1/3 cup brown sugar 3 tablespoons butter, melted Toss all ingredients together. Sprinkle on potatoes. Note: when doubling the recipe, use 1 1/2 cups corn flakes and increase the butter to 4 tablespoons. Use the same amounts for the nuts and sugar.
Okay, I've got some serious baggage I need to unload. It's been over a year now since my daughter was born, and I'm still holding onto something that has made me frustrated for a while. I'll simply state it here: my work never threw me a baby shower!
Okay, let me explain a little. I have worked at my job for over 5 years now. In that time, every co-worker of mine who has been pregnant with their first child has been thrown a baby shower. Until me, that is.
Now fast forward a little bit. Like I said, it's been over a year since my daughter was born. These feelings resurfaced recently when I was invited to a co-workers baby shower being thrown for her by two other co-workers of mine. This is her first baby, and she has been employed at my work for less than a year. I've worked there for over 5 years. Now I know that your personality has a lot to do with how you are perceived/liked by your coworkers. And my personality is very introverted while this other girl's is very extroverted and outgoing. So in the one year she's been at my work she may have made better relationships than I have in my 5+ years.
And to top it off, another co-worker of mine who recently had a baby quit her job and went to work somewhere else before she was even pregnant. And even she was thrown a baby shower by my work. And she didn't even work there!
Is it just me? Do my coworkers not think I wouldn't notice when NO ONE offered to throw me a baby shower?
I am pretty shy at work and I don't talk a lot or go out of my way to join conversations like everyone else. I listen to others, that's what I do. But just because I'm not as out going as every other employee doesn't mean my feelings won't get hurt when I'm not thrown a baby shower.
I know....I know.....
I'm thinking about this WAY too much and whining and complaining. But it is just something I had envisioned happening for so many years as I struggled to get pregnant. And many of my coworkers knew it was a struggle.
My entire life I've been trying to learn this lesson- to live in the moment.
It's not an easy thing to live by! Too often we feel like we aren't satisfied with the present, that we will be happy only when we achieve something.
All too often we fall into the thinking rut of "I'll be happy when I graduate......I'll be happy when I'm married......I'll be happy when I have kids.......I'll be happy when my kids are older.........I'll be happy when I retire........"
But I find myself wishing each day that I could just pause life. Just stand still in the moment for a while. Maybe it's because each day is so precious with a little one your home. They grow so much so fast. And you begin to wish that child could just stay the age they were when they were born, and then again at 6 months, and then at 1 year. But it's incredibly fun watching my girl grow up and develop. I just miss those other moments when she was younger!
We need to evaluate why we say we'll be happy in the future, and not in the present. I think it's because we take the present moment for granted. It's not until it's passed by us that we yearn to go back!
So I'm going to try to live in the moment. Right now.
Confession:
I have always been a little bit (okay maybe more than a little bit.....majorly) antisocial.
As a shy child and even adult, I usually try to avoid being in many social situations. That is pretty hard to do though. I have always been a little awkward when it comes to conversing and interacting with other people.
I don't want to make myself sound weird like I have a phobia, I don't. What I mean to say is that I can force myself to be "normal" in social situations, but deep down, it's not who I really am. I have always been a homebody. I love being in the comfort of my own home, just with my family.
In my profession, I have to interact with strangers on a daily basis, and I get to know a lot of personal information about my patients and their families in a short amount of time. I am able to always be very friendly and outgoing with these people, because they are strangers and the likelihood of me every seeing them again is very slim.
But for some reason when it comes to seeing people I already know, I kind of freeze up. Like at work for instance, I do great with the strangers I meet during my shift, but my fellow coworkers are always asking me how come I never speak up.
They say I'm the quietest person they have ever met. It's true, I don't like to talk a lot (at least vocally). I have always been a great listener, but when it comes time to share my opinion, good luck getting it out of me!
I have found that those who gossip or talk a lot about themselves end up hurting others' feelings even when it's not intended. They say something about someone that is unkind, or maybe just an observation, but it can be taken the wrong way by some and misconstrued to mean something entirely different.
I love the TV series "Everybody Loves Raymond". It is a classic show and I have laughed so hard so many times during the episodes. We own the complete series and watch an episode almost daily. The grandfather in the show is named Frank and I can relate to his feelings of people so well! He is always saying how he "hates" people.
Now I don't "hate" people, but I sometimes hate being around people. I much rather enjoy being by myself or with my family at home.
Again, I don't mean to sound crazy or make others look bad if they are social butterflies, but it has never been one of my desires to be out and about in the social scene.
How do you handle different social situations? Are you introverted or extroverted? A combination of both?
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