I’ve thought about what I would say in a post like this for (literally) years. These thoughts weigh heavily in my mind and I am finally putting words to paper.
Over the years, my fashion-sense and style has been sorely lacking. Until my mid-20’s I was wearing clothes I wore in middle-school. The style in middle school in the mid 90’s was baggy, boxy, and over sized. Did I mention polo shirts, overalls, sweater vests, and turtlenecks? Yep, all staples in my closet back then. I think I had a polo shirt in every color. I am relatively short (5’4’’) and didn’t reach 5 feet until 8th grade. I have always been petite but I frequently wore clothing much too big for me. I thought it was normal to wear a belt cinched so tight it puckered in order to hold up my pants. I often wore size large in shirts where a small or medium would have been more appropriate. I didn't wear makeup until after I graduated high school, and even then I thought wearing makeup meant putting lip gloss on. Seriously, I think I grew up under a rock. I didn't know (and still don't know very much) about makeup.
Why do I mention all this? Because I have not always (until quite recently) cared one iota (or had a clue) about fashion, style, and clothing. (See evidence below)
Why do I mention all this? Because I have not always (until quite recently) cared one iota (or had a clue) about fashion, style, and clothing. (See evidence below)
BUT, despite these insecurities, I KNOW that I am of worth.
If there is ONE thing you get from this, I want it to be that all human beings have worth. We have potential, promise, and beauty. I draw great strength from people who have been through horrible tragic events that have altered their image, yet they still recognize their self-worth. A well-known scripture in our church states, “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.”
I decided a few years ago to start updating my wardrobe and getting rid of all those middle school and high school clothes I had been hanging on to. Boy, was purging my closet a good decision! I slowly started buying pieces to update my wardrobe. I started looking into fashion a little bit, following modest fashion blogs that gave me inspiration. It was hard to pin-point (and still is) my complete fashion-sense, but I have always been very black and white when it comes to fashion. I either love it or hate it. I tend to gravitate towards more vintage and classic pieces. My very favorite? Polka dots! For some reason, polka dot patterns have always jumped out at me. For years, many of the things my mom would buy me or that I would purchase had polka dots on them. I’ve always been drawn to polka dots, and so naturally, much of my closet and my kids’ closets involve some sort of polka dot attire. It’s even more convenient now that the polka dot is having “its moment” in the fashion world. Polka dots are everywhere, and very trendy right now. I’m just glad that I didn’t jump on the bandwagon with everyone else, because I’ve sported polka dots for years!
Once I started replacing my wardrobe with updated pieces and trying different looks, I started getting comments on how cute my outfits were. In the past couple of years, those comments have increased and I am asked weekly where I get certain articles of clothing, or hear comments about how “cute” or “classy” my outfits look. But I am far from the fashion models and fashion bloggers out there who have thousands upon thousands of followers. I would never ever in a million years consider myself a fashion blogger. I certainly don’t look the part. (See below, ha!)
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| Rainbow striped polo, top button buttoned, high-waisted sweatpants, boy sneakers, could there be anything more WRONG with this picture? Seriously though, it makes me smile how goofy I looked. |
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I’ve struggled with the decision of sharing my fashion style with others, because of the attention it draws. I fear that others will see me as overconfident, haughty, arrogant, self-absorbed, boastful, or prideful. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I was very shy as a child and even into my young adulthood, going to great lengths to avoid socializing with others. I’ve become much better over the years, especially since my profession in nursing requires I communicate with patients and their families, literal strangers, every day. On the outside, I seem like a pretty outgoing person, but on the inside, I am in introvert through and through.
Being open and sharing my thoughts and style also opens me up to criticism, negativity, and mean comments from those who wish to belittle and degrade me. This is something that scares me.
Why share my background with you? Because my intentions aren't to gain fame or be liked for my clothes or for the way I look. I want to be known for who I am on the inside. I want people to KNOW me, to know what I stand for, to know how dearly I love being a mother. I don't want to be known for the clothes I wear or the way I look. I don't. That's why I hesitate to share some of my outfits on the great blogosphere.
My intentions are to help others out there who feel just like me. I struggle to find modest clothing that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. I can't afford to shop J.Crew, Nordstrom, Anthropologie, Zarra, and the like. I couldn't find inspiration online that showed how to shop frugally and yet find classic pieces that will last for years. I don't have a walk-in closet. My closet space is half of a closet that I share with my husband (okay, maybe three-quarters).
My philosophy is this- find modest classic pieces of clothing that will last for years, and are priced so that most every-day women can afford them.
Moving on. I have decided to start sharing some of my fashion advice and style with others who have inquired about it. My thoughts are these:
You don’t need to "dress up" every day. The only day of the week I consistently “dress up” is on Sundays, the day we go to church. I look forward to this day for many reasons, but one (slightly selfish) reason is that I get to wear a dress/skirt, or something a little more fancy than what I wear on a daily basis. I get to (sometimes) actually do my hair and put on some make up. I get to wear heels!
Most days (okay, Monday through Saturday), I wear comfy “mom” clothing. This usually involves stretchy yoga pants or shorts, a loose t-shirt, or sometimes something I like to call “lounge” clothing but is really pajamas. My daily “routine” of getting ready usually isn't completed until mid-day since I get ready in 30 second increments because my kids are screaming or yelling, or "needing" me every time I step into the bathroom to continue my “routine”. I brush my hair, and put on a minimal amount of makeup (usually concealer, mascara, and a touch of blush) in order to look somewhat presentable to the human race. The way I look on some most mornings is enough to scare a ravenous grizzly bear away.
But I will say this; the MOST beautiful I have EVER felt in my life was a moment when I looked my worse. I was sleep-deprived from a newborn baby, had horrible skin with multiple break outs, greasy 3rd day hair, and I could literally smell myself from lack of showering. I was wearing a white fluffy bathroom robe, one I’ve owned for 9 years. I felt sub-human in that moment. All I wanted to do was hide from society (I had plans to barricade myself in my home until I could pull my act together). No one could see me like this! In that moment, I will never forget my little 2 ½ year old daughter. She came up to me, wrapped her little arms around my neck, squeezed tightly, and said, “I love you Mommy.” She had said those words before, but for some reason in that moment, I had an epiphany. My daughter LOVED me. She loved ME! She didn’t just love me when I was dressed up, hair and makeup done, skinny jeans on. I realized right then and there, that my children could care less what I LOOKED like. They had seen me looking my best, but they had also repeatedly (and on a much more regular basis) seen me at my worst. They didn’t notice a difference, not one bit. The way I looked to my girls wasn't categorized in their minds as my "best" or "worst" or "Mom only had 5 minutes to ready today" look, it was simply me. Just me, their mom. I was and always will be “Mom.”
The epiphany I had that day still doesn't deter me from ever showering or getting ready for the day, but it’s a daily reminder when I look in the mirror, that even though I may see or feel flaws in my image, I have people in my life that unconditionally love me, no matter what I look like. And really, I know that I love myself and have self-worth. Yes, I don’t have the perfect body, or the most voluminous hair, or the finest chiseled jaw line, but to me, my body is perfect. I don’t need anyone’s approval (other than my own) to love myself.
The part about fashion that I do like, is the ability that fashion has to make you feel good. Not the kind of “I only feel good when I wear $1000 shoes and tote Versace handbags,” but the kind of “I have more confidence today” feel-good. The kind of good feeling that makes you believe you can get through another day. The kind of “good” that makes you hold your head up and look people in the eye rather than looking down at the ground trying to avoid interaction with anyone.
When I “dress up” or wear an outfit that makes me feel more confident, I find that my attitude improves, my temperament is more gentle, I don’t get as frustrated with my kids as much, I smile more, I FEEL better. All those things combined has shown me that fashion CAN be a good thing. I always disliked the fashion world. The models, the false sense of worth, the feeling of exclusion if you didn’t wear what was in all the magazines, the reliance on temporal and materialistic “stuff” to make you feel "beautiful." I never bought into that. So I removed myself further from it. I went the opposite direction, trying NOT to be fashionable almost. But that was a mistake. We can be fashionable. We can try new trends for the fun of it. You don't have to like whatever is currently "in style." There have been plenty of trends that I will never understand, yet most people spend absurd amounts of money on them just to feel better about themselves and look like everybody else.
I'll end my thoughts (for now) with this quote that I love:
"I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different. Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But as one adviser to teenage girls said: “You can’t live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people’s opinions make you self-conscious you give away your power. … The key to feeling [confident] is to always listen to your inner self—[the real you.]” And in the kingdom of God, the real you is “more precious than rubies.” Every young woman is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good."
– Jeffrey R. Holland
Here are some highly recommended video clips that help me remember WHO I AM: