Antisocial

Confession:
I have always been a little bit (okay maybe more than a little bit.....majorly) antisocial.

As a shy child and even adult, I usually try to avoid being in many social situations. That is pretty hard to do though. I have always been a little awkward when it comes to conversing and interacting with other people.

I don't want to make myself sound weird like I have a phobia, I don't. What I mean to say is that I can force myself to be "normal" in social situations, but deep down, it's not who I really am. I have always been a homebody. I love being in the comfort of my own home, just with my family.

In my profession, I have to interact with strangers on a daily basis, and I get to know a lot of personal information about my patients and their families in a short amount of time. I am able to always be very friendly and outgoing with these people, because they are strangers and the likelihood of me every seeing them again is very slim.

But for some reason when it comes to seeing people I already know, I kind of freeze up. Like at work for instance, I do great with the strangers I meet during my shift, but my fellow coworkers are always asking me how come I never speak up.

They say I'm the quietest person they have ever met. It's true, I don't like to talk a lot (at least vocally). I have always been a great listener, but when it comes time to share my opinion, good luck getting it out of me!

I have found that those who gossip or talk a lot about themselves end up hurting others' feelings even when it's not intended. They say something about someone that is unkind, or maybe just an observation, but it can be taken the wrong way by some and misconstrued to mean something entirely different.

I love the TV series "Everybody Loves Raymond". It is a classic show and I have laughed so hard so many times during the episodes. We own the complete series and watch an episode almost daily. The grandfather in the show is named Frank and I can relate to his feelings of people so well! He is always saying how he "hates" people.

Now I don't "hate" people, but I sometimes hate being around people. I much rather enjoy being by myself or with my family at home.

Again, I don't mean to sound crazy or make others look bad if they are social butterflies, but it has never been one of my desires to be out and about in the social scene.

How do you handle different social situations? Are you introverted or extroverted? A combination of both?

I don't want to!

Recently I've been sounding a lot like a two-year-old. I don't have one of those yet, but I know how they act and what they sound like.

As a full-time mom, it is hard for me to also be a part-time nurse. I work part-time at a local hospital usually 2-3 times a week. It is so hard for me to leave my family and go to work!

I've never been a huge fan of going to work. I know I sound lazy, but I'm really not. I have so much I would like to do at home that I hate going to work.

The #1 reason I don't like going to work is leaving my baby girl. I miss her so much while I'm at work. When she was just a newborn, I would get all choked up and cry just in anticipation of leaving to go to work. Now that she's a little older, it's not quite as tough, but it still is hard for me to leave her at home and not take her with me.

It's hard because I work in the evenings and during the night so when I go to work, I miss being able to put my baby girl to bed. I love that time of day!

I love nursing her before bed, then reading books, then rocking, then cuddling while I hold her.

I love feeling her warm dreamy breath on my cheek, I love looking at her droopy eyelids.

I love putting her in her crib and watching her roll over onto her side or tummy and give that one last huge yawn before she's asleep.

And I miss that when I'm at work.

What motivates you to go to work? I mean I know that earning money is important, but I wish I could freeze time while I'm away so that I wouldn't have to miss out on these precious moments!

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Another Baby

We have a daughter who is less than one year old. And I am constantly thinking about when we will get pregnant again! We have struggled with infertility for years. It took a lot of time and money to get pregnant with our daughter.

Once we finally got pregnant, I felt relieved that I didn't have to deal with infertility again for a while. But the thought still loomed in my head. We had a magical pregnancy and delivery, but as soon as our baby girl arrived, I started thinking about our next baby.

When would we get pregnant again? Would we be able to get pregnant naturally this time? Or would we embark yet again on a several-year journey of medications, ovulation testing, procedures, ultrasounds, waiting, more waiting, hoping to get pregnant?

I can't help thinking sometimes that my infertility has been "cured". It's easy to think that because we have one baby having another one will be a piece of cake. At least that's what I'm hoping for.

We are not under so much stress and pressure to have another baby right away this time. For years the only thought that occupied my mind was "I want to get pregnant now!". I am more content and happy now that we have our baby girl. But I still wonder when the next time is that we will get pregnant.

Will it be in a month? 6 months? 1 year? 3 years? I KNOW that we will get pregnant again and have more children. That's a fact. But the not knowing WHEN is so hard!

We had discussed birth control when my daughter was born and made the decision to not take any kind of birth control. We truly felt like if we got pregnant right away (even though it's not advised or good for a postpartum body such as mine) we would be thrilled.

And I truly would be thrilled! Now that our baby is older and not really a newborn, getting pregnant would be so great! I always wanted my kids to be close in age. Maybe not 9 months close, but within a couple years of each other.

Some days I try not to think about it much, since stress is not good for a woman who wants to get pregnant. But I can't help thinking about it.

Whenever it does happen, my world will transform again in to a magical land of pregnancy hormones and dreams of a larger family. I love being pregnant.

Clutter

I am embarking on a project. A huge project. Something that eats and eats away at my brain on a daily basis. Something I think about multiple times a day (and night) and yet I do nothing about it!

I am talking about clutter.

The endless stacks of paper and mail on my kitchen table. The cereal boxes and leftover cookies on the counter. The clothes on the floor. The random hair accessories in the bathroom drawers. The overfilled closets. Wrapping paper and bows.

Clutter is everywhere! It's been taking over my house slowly for the past couple of years. But I hate it!

It gets in the way. It looks horrible! When I "clean" for guests, everything unsightly gets put in our extra storage room, and then I lock and bolt the door so no one can see what our house really looks like.

I spend waaaaaay too long looking for important documents, or the measuring tape that I can't find for the life of me.

I'm telling you, clutter in the home can seriously interfere with happy living!

But today is a new day. I've been reading a book on how to de-clutter and it's given me some great ideas. I've always wanted that immaculate looking house, where everything has it's place and there's a place for everything.

As a perfectionist though, I become OVERWHELMED just thinking about de-cluttering.

This is my normal thought process,

"I want to organize my room and bathroom. So I'll start by cleaning off the top of the dresser. Boy, when did I accumulate so many hair accessories and pieces of jewelry? I guess I'll make a place in the bathroom for all this stuff so I can clear off the top of the dresser. But all the bathroom drawers are cluttered and full of random brushes, combs, floss, curling irons, hair products, what do I do with those? If I clean out the bathroom drawers, then I'll have room to put my jewelry and hair accessories in there. But where will I put the random curling irons? I could put them in a box downstairs! But wait, before I put them downstairs, I have to organize the shelves in the basement by color, size, item, season. In order to do that, I have to buy more storage boxes and go through all the seasonal stuff. Where should I store that extra Christmas tree we have down there? Now that I'm thinking of it, I should go through all the Christmas ornaments one by one and get rid of all the cracked ones........."

See? My thought process makes me so overwhelmed that I keep pushing off this project. I am going to set goals and tell myself that each day I need to set aside some time, whether it is a chunk of time (1-2 hours) or 10 minute increments (the latter is more realistic for me since I have a baby).

I WILL DE-CLUTTER MY HOME SO THAT I CAN HAVE A HAPPY LIVING SPACE!