Laughing at Infertility (Part 1)

My husband and I have struggled with infertility for years. I never thought in a million years when we got married that we would have so much trouble getting pregnant as we did.

After 3 years of TTC (trying to conceive), we finally became pregnant through IVF (in-vitro fertilization).
This was our 2nd attempt at IVF and luckily we were successful and became pregnant with our daughter. IVF was the the last option we had before we would consider adoption. We had tried everything we could to get pregnant before resorting to IVF. We tried taking expensive medications; clomid, metformin, levothyroxine, femara; and when those didn't work we went to injectable medications like FSH. Nothing worked. Then we tried IUI's (intrauterine insemination). After 4 rounds of those, we decided to try IVF.

Throughout out the years of TTC, my emotions took a toll. I was depressed every month when my cycle started, or when we found out that the hundreds of dollars we'd just spent on last month's meds didn't work. Or when we found out the IVF cycle that cost us $$$ didn't work. You get the idea.

Crying myself to sleep became a habit. I tried to look at the positive side of things; how my husband and I had an opportunity to enjoy married life a little bit longer before having kids, how we were able to get into a house sooner than we planned on, how I was able to work full-time longer and save up more money. But all of these "positives" were outweighed in my mind by the biggest burden I'd ever felt in my life, my inability to conceive!

I thought to myself constantly, "Why am I not able to conceive? Why does this have to happen to me?" The doctors couldn't find a reason why I was infertile (my husband was absolutely fine, in fact, better than fine. His "swimmers" as we like to call them, should have won an Olympic Gold Medal for their record time and agility.  The timing of my cycles had always been a little off, so the idea was to get my cycles more regular and take meds to make me ovulate more regularly. But once that was happening and we still couldn't get pregnant, I felt helpless.

All I wanted was answers. I wanted to know what else I could possibly do to increase my chances at getting pregnant. During all this time, I felt utterly alone. I felt like I was the only person on the face of the planet; no wait; the entire universe; who couldn't get pregnant.

But I was so utterly wrong! I knew there were others out there who were infertile, but they all seemed to get pregnant quicker than I did. I never wanted to talk about my infertility trials to anyone but my husband. I didn't even want to tell our families about what was going on. That would signal defeat in my mind. It would be like acknowledging my defaults in front of the whole world. They would all know that something was wrong with me. Was it too much to ask that all I wanted to do was provide grandchildren for our parents?

After going through the trials of infertility for 3 years, finally getting pregnant, and having our beautiful daughter, infertility is still looming in my mind. It never goes away. Yes, I was able to get pregnant which is one of the greatest blessings in my life. But that didn't take my infertility away. For 9 months I looked like a fertile woman, but I was still incapable of conceiving on my own.

I think a lot about having our next child. How all of this will come back to haunt me. Will we need to do IVF again? Will we finally be able to conceive naturally? These questions swim around in my head all the time.

I felt powerless for years. How could anything possibly be positive about this situation? What could I possibly find funny about our infertility?

And then I found out..........

Looking Plain

It's one of those days.


You know, the kind of day where you wake up, and before you even look at yourself in the mirror, you feel it.


That feeling of looking horrid. Unattractive. Ghastly. Homely. 


And no matter how much make-up you put on, how long you spend doing your hair, choosing a cute outfit, that feeling is still there, because when you remove all that stuff, it's still you underneath it all.


I try not to think about it that much. But it's hard not to wish I looked like somebody else. There is that rare day when I actually DO like how I look, but those days are few and far between.


I look in the mirror, and my eyes immediately focus on those blemishes all over my face. The oily skin, the pimples, the unkempt hair.


Why can't I look like those people that wake up and instantly look gorgeous? They don't have to do a thing and they already look 100% better than I do! It drives me nuts how some people can pull it all off without even trying!


My self-esteem wanes sometimes. Like when I see ordinary people, not celebrities, but ordinary people in my neighborhood who look so breathtakingly gorgeous that they could be models!


I know I am sounding so vain right now, but I think inside all of us there is that occasional feeling of jealousy, even if we do feel comfortable in our own skin. 


My sweet husband is always telling me how beautiful I am. I am truly blessed to be married to him! But I still want to KNOW for myself that I am beautiful.


Each of us has our own insecurities, whether it's our weight, height, hair color, skin tone, teeth, eyes. 


I just have to stick with my gut and realize that I am the way I am because that's the way I was made. My husband loves me for who I am, and for the way I look. I can't change that. 


I don't want to change that. Despite my insecurities, I do know that deep down, I am beautiful. 


I am unique. 


And that helps bring my spirits up, along with a little mascara and lip gloss!


How do you boost your self-esteem on those days when you feel like you just poked your head up out of a garbage can?

Re-finished Entry Way Table

I refinished and painted an old entry way table that belonged to my husband's Grandpa. It was in great condition, but I wanted to change the color and update the hardware for a fresh look.

 And waaala! I love how it turned out. The color is called "heirloom white" and I love the cottage-esque look of it.

There comes great satisfaction with fixing up something yourself. The whole project cost about $20 (the table was free but I had to buy primer, spray paint, and new handles; we already had the sander and related tools).

For this project, I used spray paint. But I have re-finished old wood furniture before using regular paint like in this post.

It was much less time-consuming using spray paint. However, I had to apply a few more coats with spray paint vs. regular paint to get an even tone throughout the table. I also had to start with a primer, then use spray paint, and finished with a spray-on clear protective coat of polyurethane to protect against nicks and scratches.

The supplies you will need are:

Sandpaper

Drop cloth

Spray paint

Primer

Polyurethane spray

The steps are almost the same as painting furniture with paint like in this post, however instead of applying paint, you will use spray paint. Be sure to follow the spray paint can instructions for how long to wait in between applying new coats. Also make sure you shake the can vigorously before spraying and hold the can at least 8-10 inches away from the furniture so the paint is spread evenly.

Old Things Made New

This dresser/changing table is 25+ years old, but I was able to make it look brand new with some easy steps!

Now a days, changing table/dresser combos cost $200-$400+ which is an expense I personally couldn't afford.

The changing table actually wasn't in bad condition to begin with, but I wanted to spruce it up a little with some new paint and new hardware, so I went to work.

Here's the old dresser (still in great condition however!):

And here's what I did to it:

The supplies you will need are:

Sandpaper 

Paint

Paintbrush or foam brush (I prefer a foam brush)

Drop cloth

Mask (optional but recommended)

Tools for removing/replacing hardware

Steps:

1. Choose your paint color- make sure it can be used on wood (or whatever medium you are using). I recommend buying a sample size paint can and trying it out before committing to buying a huge can.
2. Remove any hardware from the furniture.
3. Use sandpaper to buff down the wood and and smooth out any rough spots. It's easier if you have an electronic hand-held sander, but doing by hand will also work.
4. Clean the furniture with a damp cloth. Let dry completely.
5. Apply coats of paint, allowing each coat to dry completely in between new coats. Once finished, allow furniture to completely dry for 24 hours before moving it.

This kind of DIY project is very easy, quick, and affordable and makes any piece of old furniture look brand new!

Baby Packing List

Traveling with a baby is a daunting task. But it doesn't have to be if you are prepared. Below is a packing list for a baby 6-12 months. This list can be used for infants younger or older with a little variance in some of the items.  Diaper Changes: Diapers Wipes Desitin cream Changing pad Swim diapers (optional) Diaper cover (optional) Feeding: Travel high chair (optional) Spoons/forks Bibs Baby food Food containers Rice cereal Nursing cover Breast pads Bottle Bottle nipples Hand pump (optional- if nursing) Burp cloths Clothes: Onesies Shirts Shorts Pants Jacket Hat Bathing suits (optional) Towel coverup (optional) Socks Dress/skirt Pajamas Miscellaneous: Plastic grocery bags (for blowouts) Blanket Hand sanitizer Pacifier Pack-n-play sheet (optional) Plug-in night light Baby sunscreen Baby monitor Baby music for sleeping (optional) Toys Books Gear: Baby carrier (optional) Umbrella stroller Diaper bag/backpack Bath: Baby lotion Baby wash Towel Washcloths Spray bottle Bath sponge Bath toys This packing list really helped us get prepared for traveling with a baby. In order to calculate how many diapers and wipes you may need for traveling, I suggest keeping a log or tally sheet each time you use a diaper and wipe for the same amount of time you will be traveling. This helped us figure out exactly how many diapers/wipes we needed. Then add in at least 50% more diapers/wipes to make sure you have enough! What other items would you recommend for this packing/travel list?